I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
as a side note pls kill me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
