she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
