i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she peed on how many people?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
