I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
