she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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