I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
