I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
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walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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