so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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