I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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