I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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