I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
