I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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