Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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