i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
