I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
