I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
