The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
