pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
