Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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