kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
