i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
