Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
