this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
