Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
