he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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