Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
