What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
