Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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