I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
