You smell like stripper and shame
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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