Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
