there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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