I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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