At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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