Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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