Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
