his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
