I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
