Sry I called you an 8
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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