I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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