if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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