Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
