I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
His nipple licking is glorious
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