I'm so fucking centered right now
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
