Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
