so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
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The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
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He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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