If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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