I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
