I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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