I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
