The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
