Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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