I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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