He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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