how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
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My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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