We named our party play list daddy issues
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
