She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
