my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
