how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
