The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
