I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
