and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
