let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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