Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
