Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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