I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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