i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
