We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
