He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
