Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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