doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
