I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
