Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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