I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
