Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
