And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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