Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
