You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
