Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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