Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
