well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
