So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
