i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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