This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
