the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
