i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
